Secret habit men don’t know women have

 

I have a question for you …. Just how gay or straight are you? Now before you brush it off with a "pfft I'm very straight" or "I'm 100 per cent gay," I ask you to have a proper ponder.

The other day I was on a long drive and listening to Louis Theroux's podcast Grounded and he was chatting to gay actor Miriam Margolyes. Louis is straight but mentioned ever so casually that as a teenager he was a "bit confused" when he felt attracted to older boys at school.

He said, "I think like many, if not most straight men, I have not always been immune to a certain physical attraction to men, the idea of sexuality being on a spectrum makes sense to me and, as a young teenager, I remember once or twice getting crushes on older boys and feeling a bit confused by it."

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Louis Theroux said in his podcast Grounded that at school he’d been attracted to other boys. Picture: Carsten Windhorst
Louis Theroux said in his podcast Grounded that at school he’d been attracted to other boys. Picture: Carsten Windhorst

What resonated with me was the idea of sexuality being on a spectrum. You're not definitely straight and you're not definitely gay. Although you maybe wouldn't identify yourself as bisexual or pansexual. Attraction can reside somewhere in between.

Now, I adore girls, I think curvy figures are fab and I can appreciate a good set of boobs. I look at all my friends and think they really are ridiculously attractive, but I'm not attracted to them. Although, once in a blue moon I'll meet someone who just oozes sex appeal and it will take me by surprise! Or I'll have a saucy dream featuring a fellow female and think "what the heck?!"

I remember earlier this year I was at a resort pool sunbaking with friends when a very attractive Brazilian couple jumped in the pool in front of us. We all commented on how good looking they were, but I just couldn't take my eyes off the girl.

She had this confidence and curves that kinda made you feel a bit va va voom inside. I'm not gay, but at that moment I wasn't entirely straight. Aaah yes, the spectrum.

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Jana Hocking says everyone's sexuality could be on a spectrum. Picture: Instagram jana_hocking
Jana Hocking says everyone's sexuality could be on a spectrum. Picture: Instagram jana_hocking

We've heard the stories from our gay friends about how they "came out". Some stories are traumatic, some stories are funny and some always make me smile when they tell me their friends and family were all just like "duh!".

But with more people opening up about their attractions, like celebrities such as Kristen Stewart who recently said "The whole issue of sexuality is so grey. I'm just trying to acknowledge that fluidity, that greyness, which has always existed. But maybe only now are we allowed to start talking about it."

Will there ever come a time where there is no need for someone to come out? Will attraction become so normal that there is no need to clarify if you are one or the other? You just are what you are.

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Maybe one day we won’t feel like we have to declare our sexuality, says Jana. Picture: Instagram jana_hocking
Maybe one day we won’t feel like we have to declare our sexuality, says Jana. Picture: Instagram jana_hocking

'Lesbian porn' has emerged as the most sought category for Pornhub's female viewers and of 4000 readers surveyed by US Cosmopolitan magazine, 84 per cent of straight women had watched lesbian porn, and 20.3 per cent preferred it. So can we all just admit that at some stage or another we've all just been a teeny tiny bit curious?

This doesn't mean that you want to change your dating app preferences. You can land anywhere on the spectrum of sexuality. You may just have a peak, perhaps watch an episode of the L Word or even partake in a drunken snog. You may also marry the bloke of your dreams and have a very fulfilling sex life.

The idea of sexuality is grey and that’s half the fun of it. Picture: Instagram jana_hocking
The idea of sexuality is grey and that’s half the fun of it. Picture: Instagram jana_hocking

I remember when I was a teenager babysitting for a family that were basically the Brady Bunch. The parents were the kind of parents that held hands in public (eww!) and one afternoon, I was looking after the kids when one child stacked it on their bike and needed a bandaid.

As I rummaged around the bathroom I came across a cheeky magazine tucked (not very well) behind the cabinet. It was exactly what you would expect an old-school blokes' magazine to feature, lots of boobs and scantily clad ladies, but somewhere in the middle there was a photo shoot with two males who were having a marvellous time together.

Now, obviously this magazine was bought with the intention to look at both types of scenarios. Hot chics, and a bit of man-on-man action. I was shocked! Never would have guessed it …

However, looking back now, I'm not entirely surprised. I've heard from my guy friends about times their mates have had a bit too much to drink and given them the ol' 'how you doing' scenario, and I've laughed along to stories from 'footy trips' so why are they so hush hush?

More and more TV shows are showing characters who aren't quite either way on the fence. My absolute favourite scene in Schitt's Creek is when the main character, David, is trying to explain where he sits on the whole sexual spectrum and states, "I like the wine, and not the label."

So if you're straight but get a surprising wave of 'va va voom' for someone with the same bits and bobs as you, take a breath, chill and relax. We all do.

Jana Hocking is a radio producer and collector of kind-of-boyfriends. Continue the conversation @Janahocking

 

Originally published as Secret habit men don't know women have


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