Schoolies sucks! Save yourself from a worthless week
HEADING to Schoolies this weekend? Sure does suck to be you.
Thousands of inebriated and sex mad graduating students are set to descend on Surfer's Paradise for what I'd think would be a bigger worry to police than any bikie gang.
Ah Schoolies Week. Truly, you were awful.
Finishing Year 12 is an amazing accomplishment and should be celebrated - just not to the extent that we've all become accustomed to.
Schoolies week is nothing but a great way for Gold Coast accommodation providers to fill some rooms before the rest of the country goes on holidays and for bars and bottle shops to make a few extra bucks.
So you finished school? So what? Sure, it's a hard year but take it from me - it's bloody easy compared to the rest of your life.
Bills, rent, mortgage, work, kids, etc, etc - give me assignments and a 8.30am-3pm day with a FULL hour lunch break any day.
If you're heading to the Gold Coast this week I can't help but feel sorry for you.
It's not that exciting as they hype would have you believe.
You see, I'm a Schoolies survivor.
It's been eight years now since I finished up at high school (Class of 2005, baby!)
I was living on the Gold Coast at the time and my high school chums and I went into Surfer's Paradise one night just to see what all the fuss was about
I remember it pretty well (because I wasn't smashed/drugged/otherwise out of it).
Honestly, not that much to write home about (although if what you think happens at Schoolies actually happens then you DEFINITELY wouldn't be writing home about that either).
There were a lot of people - it was like shopping on Christmas Eve except everyone's drunk and deliberately trying to run into you.
I remember a few other things, like the young couple making out like the world was about to end down on Surfer's Paradise Beach.
I'm pretty sure one of those Red Frog volunteers walked up and threw a condom their way without saying a word.
There was some dodgy band playing down on the beach and a jumbo inflatable boxing ring with over sized gloves for all the drunks to bash each other stupider than they already were.
Oh yeah, there was a bit of violence.
I remember one fight that broke out - it was between two girls and if memory serves me correctly they were making out by the end of it in the rain (I swear, that's what happened).
We ran into some other high school friends out there as well. They went all out for the occassion- rented a unit for the week, brought in enough alcohol to kill a small elephant and who knows what else.
How much would that have cost them? A couple of thousand each, easily.
What's the best way to celebrate the end of Year 12?
This poll ended on 16 November 2013.
Full on Schoolies experience - booze and beach
Quiet holiday locally
It's not worth celebrating
This is not a scientific poll. The results reflect only the opinions of those who chose to participate.
I can think of a dozen better things now that kind of money can go towards - things that aren't damaging to your health and last a hell of a lot longer than a boozy memory.
What did they get out of it? Sore heads, upset stomachs, an itch that just won't go away and a week they probably couldn't remember the week after let alone all these years later.
If a drug and alcohol fuelled Schoolies is your idea of heaven then you need your head checked.
It's not too late - save your money, go do something else.
Relax a bit, take a nice, relaxed holiday somewhere.
Skip Schoolies, you've got bigger and better things to worry about.
Patrick Williams is the digital producer for the Sunshine Coast Daily. He's actually a really nice and upbeat person in real life.