Kerri Moore

It can be rough when justice comes calling

AS SOMEONE who has watched numerous lawyer shows over the years, I reckon it's a miscarriage of justice that I've only ever been asked once to appear for jury duty.

On the appointed day I watched a couple of episodes of Carson's Law, raked my hair into place and headed into town to dispense some justice.

In the courtroom, the clerk eventually called my name, and I hadn't even fully stood up before the defence lawyer yelled (that's right, yelled), "Challenge". Mind you, he was a dodgy looking character.

So it was back to work for me where I spent the rest of the week waiting for the clerk to call. When he did, it was only to inform me my attendance was no longer required and thanked me for my time; all two seconds of it.

Now, while I don't have a clue how to get on a jury, I did learn how not to get selected. So for all you shirkers out there wanting to dodge your community duty here are a couple of tips:

Upon arrival, loudly announce that you want to give the accused a fair trial, followed by a first-class hanging.

Or, approach the judge and confidently inform him that, after years of reading Phantom comics, you know exactly what a criminal looks like, then point at the nearest lawyer. That should get you tossed out of the courtroom at the speed of a pygmy's blow dart.

If any of the above should fail, then simply start removing your clothes. You definitely won't get picked then, and depending how far you go, you might even be given the chance to select your own jury in the very near future.

And should you see my hopeful face in the crowd of wannabe jurors, at least give me a fair trial.

Greg Bray blogs at Find him on Facebook: Greg Bray - Writer.

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