UNREST is brewing within The Bachelor mansion and Matty's leadership of the harem could be overturned within days.
A lack of attention has resulted in two disgruntled girls demanding answers from Matty on Wednesday, with the situation becoming so desperate the ladies dobbed on him to their parents.
"I'm pretty miffed," one mum said of Matty's lack of interest in her daughter. Having worked at a Just Jeans for many years, I know you don't want to mess with a mum with short hair who's throwing the word "miffed" around. And, unlike me, Matty doesn't have a dressing room to lock himself in until she leaves the store entirely.
On top of this, one dad decides to take matters into his own hands by demanding Matty take his daughter on a date.
It doesn't matter how much you like a guy, if your dad has to threaten him to take you out, it's probably time to take the hint.
It seems a few girls are becoming frustrated in the house. While a lot of the ladies are starting to score their second private dates, Jen, Elise and Michelle haven't been taken on any single dates by Matty. He's positively disinterested. And Jen and Elise's craziness comes to a head when they're taken on a group date with Cobie and Simone.
We haven't seen much of Cobie lately. But the absence has given her an opportunity to rehearse a whole bunch of new over-the-top facial expressions which she rolls out across the afternoon.
Again, it would be remiss of me to not screenshot and collage her most outstanding reactions to nothing in particular.
We arrive at some random's mansion for the group date and Matty drops a huge surprise. He's flown one parent of each girl in for the day. Mum or dad. But not both. I don't know how the parents were selected. I assume they all had to submit pictures of themselves and the most attractive one in the pair was given a plane ticket by producers.
Jen's mum has come along and I can tell, like her daughter, she's also a total villain and will probably pull Simone's mum's hair while calling her a moll.
Each girl is tasked with cooking a meal with her parent and the best one wins.
As Elise crumbs tuna fillets with her dad, she dobs on Matty and reveals he hasn't asked her on a date like he has with all the other girls.
Dad's not impressed.
Elise says she doesn't know if Matty is even remotely interested in her and she'd rather know now if he's not so she can leave and stop wasting her time.
"Leave it with me," her dad says with a firm nod. Whenever my dad says that I know for sure what's about to happen next will not be in any way subtle or diplomatic.
Elise's dad sits down with Matty and basically asks why he hasn't taken his bloody lovely daughter out on a date.
The whole situation is like when one kid isn't invited to a birthday party when the rest of the class is and then an awkward phone call with the birthday boy's parents has to happen. The idea of being involved on either side of that phone call is uncomfortable enough to stop me from ever having a child.
Outside, Jen explains to her mum Matty hasn't asked her on a private date either.
"I'm kind of a bit miffed about that," her mum snips.
As Elise and her dad serve their crumbed tuna, Jen secures a spot as a guest judge on the 2018 series of MasterChef.
"It was horrible and I didn't like it," she declares.
When it's time for Jen and her mum to hit the kitchen, these two bad girls aren't messing around.
"I'm willing to play dirty if I have to," Jen says, sifting what I can only assume is ground up laxatives into a bowl.
While Jen's dish is clearly the best of the day, Matty chooses Elise as the winner because, if he doesn't, her dad will get involved again.
Like her mother, Jen is now miffed. No, scratch that. She's more than miffed. She's pissed.
"Elise had the least impressive dish! I'm shocked and, to be honest, I'm a little bit pissed off," she tells us.
Seriously, Jen's desire to win this cook-off was actually greater than her desire to win Matty. And she's not going to let it go.
The following day, Matty arrives at the mansion to surprise Tara with a private date. And I don't know what's more of a treat: the whimsical camel he arrives on. Or the three-quarter white pant he's sporting.
Honestly, if I could have one superpower it would be the ability to wear white jeans without feeling like an idiot.
Nothing happens on this date but an F-tonne of persian rugs are involved.
Later that night at the cocktail party, Jen's still pissed she didn't win MasterChef.
"I KNOW I'm the best cook in the house," she sobs to us.
And she wants a re-count.
While Matty was picking out rugs with Tara, Jen has spent the afternoon whipping up a bunch of those Donna Hay packet mix cakes and prepared a smorgasbord to wow Matty.
"I'm impressed," he says, mildly choking on a dry brownie.
"Oh, I was bound to impress you eventually," she says, being totally passive aggressive.
Matty pulls her up on it.
"I'm a big fan of your desserts, but you seem to think I'm not a big fan of you," he says firmly.
Jen's totally not chill.
"I know I was definitely the best cook there!" she howls. Jen isn't here for love anymore. She really just wants her efforts in the bake-off acknowledged.
"At this point, all I want is a single date. I know I'm an awesome chick. I know I'm a bit of a catch. And I know I am a phenomenal cook."
While Matty would love to just crown Jen the Cake Queen and let her go, producers won't allow any more premature eliminations.
We've seen several girls leave the competition in premature eliminations over recent weeks, outside of the traditional process of a rose ceremony. And as the number of ladies dwindles, producers are now frantically working behind the scenes to stop the mass exits. Plus, with the current financial strain placed on Network Ten after falling into receivership, producers can't justify wasting any more roses on cancelled ceremonies.
So, like with Elise, Matty lies. He tells Jen he thinks feelings could maybe, possibly be there.
And it's enough for Jen.
"I feel like I've just arrived in the game and I think a few of the girls might think that I'm actually a real threat now," she says confidently.
It's good to have you back, Jen.
And while Jen is arriving, Michelle the police officer is leaving.
It's at this point Jen snaps and breaks down. Maybe it's because of Michelle's departure. Maybe it's because of the cake competition again. I don't know.
Like Jen, Michelle's also been growing tired of being ignored by Matty - but she couldn't be bothered forcing her way back into Matty's sights with an overbearing parent or baked goods.
So she's let go in the rose ceremony.
Matty doesn't really give a reason. And he doesn't have to. He's not an idiot. He's pissed off a cop and he knows he has the right to remain silent.
For more observations on being a cake queen and hiding in a Just Jeans dressing room, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir
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