Feeding caffeine addiction comes at a price
Folks, we Australians are a fairly easy-going bunch. We are not fans of revolutions, coups or uprisings.
But if the ships carrying coffee fail to arrive at our docks, within 24 hours our cities will burn to the ground as angry mobs roam the streets looking for a caffeine fix.
I'll admit, starting my day without coffee would be a bit tricky.
After years of shift-work I've become slightly dependent on it. Dependent in the same way as a fish is reliant on seawater to stay alive. Actually, addicted, would probably be closer to the mark.
Still, I've limited myself to four cups of instant coffee each day. The purists among you are probably shuddering at the thought.
People, I am not a complicated man and I plan to keep it that way, because life is much less stressful when you have fairly low expectations.
Having said that, even I struggled to finish a full cup of powdered coffee my old workplace used to provide for free. My workmates labelled it Global Sludge.
But the worst coffee I've ever choked down was in the home of coffee, Italy.
I fronted at a cafe and ordered an Americano; the only coffee on a long list that actually had milk in it. The barista winced, poured some steaming tar into a plastic thimble then added the milk with an eyedropper.
It was horrendous, but I've paid less for a pair of jeans, so I was going to finish that coffee come hell or high water.
Having downed three times my daily fix in one tiny cup, several hours later my eyes were still spinning in my head and the air about me was filled with the sound of angry bees.
I stormed over every inch of the Colosseum at a pace that would have impressed Usain Bolt.
Much later, when the effects finally wore off, it occurred to me why Europe, and America, have a long history of rioting, coups and warfare.
Too much coffee is obviously worse than having too little.
But hopefully we'll never find out - just keep those ships coming boys!